Black Cat

A different take on Halloween…

Black Cat

Shrouded in darkness, covered by night

Two bright Amber eyes accented by moonlight

My existence brings fear every day of the year

Most prominent on Halloween Night

Truth be told, I am hungry and cold

Full of  only my own fright

Superstition tells of my wrath

Ill luck befalls any who cross the same path

The myth hangs over me like a"witch" from the gallows

How could any human believe in something so shallow

In every alley I sleep in, down every street that I roam

I search for a place I can finally call home

If you see me tonight, let me in

It's alright. I will gladly be your "treat" for life

Tears of the Fallen

It is almost November, and I felt like sharing this. I wrote this because I was feeling frustrated last year about how war has been turned into a game, something to sell:

Tears of the Fallen

On the day of solemn remembrance

The rain fell on the window pane

As if to mirror the tears of comrades

Whose falling seems falling in vain

So the tears that fall fertilize,

With intent to strengthen peace

But instead a mockery of sweat and tears

Everything that the veterans despise

Those they passed the torch to

See the wars as a game

Bought in stores, so companies

Can reap financial gain

Today society's biggest fight

Is whether the poppy is red or white

No sweat, no tears, no pain or fears

No worry of making it to the golden years

The years are spent with gold and greed

Forgetting what we truly need

To honour those who fought for us

Expecting nothing in return

Only hoping sacrifice would help the world to turn

Vets' tears, our tears of regret

For what we seem so eager to forget

 

A poetic collaboration by Karli Steen & James Black

November 12, 2013

Thankful

I try to be as thankful as I can everyday, and on this Thanksgiving there is lots that I am thankful for…

I am thankful for a supportive group of family and friends, that even when I am having my low days, still stand by me 

I am thankful for my good health, and the steps I have taken to keep it decent.

I am thankful for technology, because although in this day and age it holds a lot of negative aspects, it helps me achieve many things that I would not be able to otherwise

I am thankful for laughter, and the friends that make it effortless to do so

I am thankful to have known failure, because it has given me the strength to be better and push harder for success.

I am thankful for the helpers that go out of their way to make sure I'm well taken care of in spite of management being a joke

I am thankful for heartache, because when you close your heart to one, so many others open their hearts to you

I am thankful for the little black devil that is my kitten. He has been a constant in a time of change, and in many ways been the child I will never have

I am thankful for my resilience, perseverance… and I am thankful to be me

Karli 

A half asleep selfie… Before we both passed out

Finding Balance

I thought this week would be difficult for me, with a large portion of my friends returning to school, me being done, and feeling left behind in a way. I had several concerns about leaving school, which included the loss of a social life and also a routine. 

So far the concerns have all been for nothing. I've had something to do every day this week. I know it won't always be like this, but I've also gotten used to enjoying solitude. Sometimes, there's nothing better then curling up with my kitten to watch a movie, playing video games or just reading a book in my pajamas. I'm getting to enjoy things now, that school would've gotten in the way of before. I've started going swimming at the YMCA with a friend; and it has been really exhilarating because I've never really been able to get a lot of exercise in the typical sense. I'm even considering getting a membership, to stay relatively active.

The one frustrating thing about not being in school so far, is the job search. The biggest lie that universities tell you in the first year, is that their institution will be the best outlet for you to get the top job and the top dollar. I work with disability employment agency once a week to look for the best positions for my qualifications; and the truth is no matter how prestigious or acclaimed a university may be, if the  job market sucks, good luck…  So far, I'm having fun discovering that there are more things to balance than a school schedule and readings, and I look forward to ultimately finding balance within myself

Karli

The EA Effect

I've needed a lot of help in my life, for many different reasons. I've dealt with many doctors, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, and lastly workers, but I have never really written about my early schooling experience with EAs. It takes someone really special to be an EA, because sometimes they're like a mom, teacher, and best friend all in one. For as long as I can remember, I was even more happy to receive praise from my EA, rather than a teacher, because they knew me more intricately than my Teachers did. They knew when I was having a bad day, when I was having a good day, and they cared

 

Tasks like using my walker when I was younger were never as daunting as they could've been, because I knew that if I performed well, I would be rewarded with a Five Alive at the end. They were the kind of people that would be the first to the side of the hospital bed, when they heard I was sick. When I didn't have my homework finished, they knew that it was something deeper than my own laziness. They knew the person I crushed on, before I ever told them.  I was happy in day to miss 20 minutes of class go to the bathroom, because I knew that in that bathroom I was learning more than a teacher could ever teach. The lessons were never the same; ranging from singing, dancing and even teacher impersonations. They knew things that even my parents didn't; and the first and only time I ever got significantly in trouble in grade school, was witnessed by one of my favorites… I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've heard many reasons as to why they should not be a part of the school system. For example, there is the argument that they interrupt with the way the teacher runs the classroom. This is the biggest load of crap that I've ever heard; if anything they made my time in the classroom easier, because my earliest days of school were written off by teachers as if I was the Ritalin child. The second argument I've heard is that the teacher should be able to manage their own dwelling,which includes all the existing students. While the majority of my teachers were concerned and somewhat involved in regards to my success, I do not think that I could do succeeded half as well  as I did without the assistance of EAs. Since leaving the public school system, I have had teachers revisit me in the present, and tell me how much having me in their classroom has taught them in regards to being the best they can be. I am flattered by the sentiment, however I realized that I never really properly thanked the people that have ultimately played a very significant role in my success.

So now I do thank you; for the laughter, the support, the scoldings, and being there through the tears.Thank you for being yourselves, and I hope you continue to help people the way you have me.

Karli

Stuck in the Moment

 I try my best to stay positive about my disability. However, you can easily find evidence within these blog posts, that it is not always easy to do so. I suppose everybody has their good and bad days, but sometimes for me there is a buildup when the bad days seem to come in quick succession, or the good days don't last long enough. Today was especially painstaking, because workers were consistently late, when I was waiting to go to the bathroom. It is in moments like these, that my disability becomes blatantly obvious, and no amount of positive thinking can deter it. I feel a giant surge of bitterness, that I cannot respond to simple and natural needs on my own, and I'm constantly relying on someone else for the most basic of things. When things like these happen, but it is so easy to forget that I am much more than the disability I have. I live with the condition, and the condition should not define me.

Sometimes it's hard to find yourself within a condition, because there are so many societal pressures and obvious flaws. It is so easy to say, "if I didn't have a disability, things would be different." Yes, they would be a great deal different, but I doubt the difference would be for the better. As hard as living with a disability can prove to be, my disability has given me many things that I don't think I would have otherwise. My disability has given me a great sense of gratitude for those who take care of me well. I have always had an overwhelming desire to succeed and conquer all obstacles, even if the odds were against me. My disability has shed some light on the importance of advocacy, but sometimes it makes me forget myself because I get too wrapped up in helping others and forget what I need. However, I need to remember that I have greatly succeeded, and conquered many obstacles, and met so many decent people along the way. I know 100% that today's slump will not be my last, but I thought I would take the time to say that today although I was stuck in a moment, I would like to thank those people who make a great deal of my moments positive ones. Your patience and understanding is always appreciated, although sometimes it might not be properly shown. Surrounded by people like you, I feel like I'm standing 10 feet tall.

Karli

Selective Support

This letter was published in the July 26 edition of the London Free Press, after some built up frustration…

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While most of the support I receive is excellent, I’ve been having problems with some people who complain about every aspect of a support worker job.

Welcome to a job where you are paid decently to do everyday activities. This job doesn’t allow you to pick and choose what you wish to do. Your job encompasses everything from assisting with personal care to assisting with the cleaning and maintenance of household animals. Any allergies and other health concerns are noted and understood.

You simply don’t like dogs, cats, cooking or cleaning? We never wanted a lifestyle in which we constantly need to ask for help. Your job will never be thankless, unless you make it so yourself.

You took this job because you thought it would be easy? Life is never easy, and helping others takes a lot of emotional strength and compassion. Just because you help us, does not make you more superior, or give you the right to pass judgment on what is right or wrong in any aspect of our lives.

You took this job as a bridge into a nursing career? That does not make you a nurse yet. You will, without a doubt, be dealing with more graphic and gruesome things than dogs, cats, cooking and cleaning.

Your job is to help, not to hinder. Independent living does not mean selective oppression of human rights.

Karli Steen