Wheelchair Ediquette

Over the many years of being in a wheelchair, I have realized that  people have habit when around them, or for that matter habits that effects the users. I know that they might not realize they do, but this blog is meant to make people aware of the habits.

I find, that sometimes when I'm in a room people gravitate towards my wheelchair like it is an unidentified flying object. They brush past it, almost as if they wish to identify the object I understand that 300 pounds of metal is logically kind of odd, but I need it, and it is the equivalent to my car and legs all at once. Similarly, when people come to be me or introduce themselves, they tend to grab onto my handles. If I know you very well, that is not a problem because I like being close to friends, but otherwise it is an invasion of the personal bubble. A huge pet peeve of mine, is the fact that when I go to press an automatic button, five people walk ahead of me. I press that button for a reason, and by the time the people walk in front of me, my arm gets hit by the door. I've also noticed that friends who meet in public walk around in highschool clicke formation, leaving me little room to get by. Not a problem, until I politely ask them to move, and they stare at me like I'm E.T. Sometimes I'll go to use an elevator, and it will be crowded with able-bodied people who really don't need it. I understand if it's a a mall or apartment building, but there was an instance in college when I was trying to get to class. The elevator was full of people and I tried to get in; the doors closed on my chair and the elevator echoed with laughter. I will never forget the anger and humiliation I felt that day, and I still will never understand the draw of spending 3 second in a metal box when people have a working set of legs. As I said before, I realize that many aren't aware of these habits, and I hope this helps. 

Karli

Running On Empty

My life quite literally runs on a battery. If my chair is not charged, it's like having my legs give out. Though I've had no problems with my chair battery of late, I've had problems with the battery of life. School is always a bit of an adjustment because its the point where everyone realizes that, like it or not, a giant chunk of life will be spent on assignments and classes. While I very much enjoy being back at Kings with friends and classmates, I already feel like the battery of life is draining. You may be reading this and thinking: "it's only the 2nd week of school, chill out!" Trust me when I say that school is not the cause. It's actually one of the places that I know what to expect from everyday. The cause of the battery depletion is the company that boasts that they make independent living easier. Let me clarify that the majority of my assistants are devoted to their work and reliable. However, the management is absolutely awful. Every year around this time, in spite of sending my school schedule, I fear them not sending someone at my requested a times. There has also been a major problem with being understaffed, which means that I may have a time and an assistant scheduled, but as anyone is liable to quit at anytime, it means nothing.

Being short staffed, the management deals with us much like a jigsaw puzzle, cutting times anywhere they see fit. Though I understand that sometimes this must be done, it seems to be happening more often than not. One might think that a time cut is not a huge deal, but it's the difference between a rushed job and a thorough one. Another common occurrence is the sending of helpers you've never met before. While I could no doubt handle them in the day, they are commonly sent at the times when I'm least alert, morning and bedtime. The most irritating thing about all this, is that the scedulers and the government alike, have no inkling of what it's like to live with a disability. So cutting bookings and funding is as easy as pressing the tempting red button. You may be wondering, "how do you get yourself out of this mess?" I am on the wait list for the supportive housing, which essentially has help available anytime I need it. Unfortunately you have to wait many years for an opening, and so far I've waited 4 In a perfect world support companies would be run by the people facing the disabilities, as they would have a better insight and understanding of what is needed. With so much uncertainty, it's no woner my battery is running on empty...

Karli

Dear 15 Year Old Me

Remember when you craved a slice of popularity? Not worth it. Remember when you constantly wondered who was really nice, and who was just faking it to your face? That question isn't as frequent, because you found true friends. Remember when you thought something was wrong with you because you were nothing like your mother? It's a good thing you are uniquely yourself. Remember when you despised your sister, and thought your little brother was annoying as hell? Age and maturity has changed that. Remember when you were sad that dad had turned from cool to a strict ass? The same strict ass put you through 5 years of school. Remember when you felt guilty for asking your stepmom for help or anything else because you weren't hers by blood? You've learned that family isn't defined by blood, and the advice she's given is worth taking. Remember when mom called your musical taste "jump off a bridge music"? You haven't jumped, and the music got you through your toughest times. Remember how you always liked the "mysterious" guys? That lasted until grade 12, and then altered slightly to include university educated in front of it. You faced much heartbreak, but you've gotten better at turning infatuation  into solid friendships. You used to be so afraid of humiliation in front of  a guy, but you've  got this friend Trevor, who seems to be around at your most awkward times, you've now stopped caring. Remember when your main concern was helping others? You still do, but now are learning to help yourself too… Remember when you admired your older cousins simply because age made them appear wiser? Now you've given them reason to admire you. Remember when you were content at just going to college? You're in 4th year university. Remember everyone who said you can't do it at any point in your life? You can, you did, you will…

Staying True to You

I have always taken pride in helping others at any cost. So when I failed to make both the Soph and OC Don team for next year it was a huge blow. I spent much time after the rejection wondering what was wrong with me. What had changed so drastically within myself that from one year to the next, I was no longer good enough? What was I going to do without the program that I myself had benefited so much from? What were my previous frosh going to think of me with only last year's uniform, and would my fellow Sophs who returned shun me because I didn't? I took me many nights with a drenched pillow, late night sob-fests and snappy texts to unsuspecting friends, to realize that the problem wasn't me

The problem is that for the majority of my life, I strongly believed that if you could not put others before yourself at all times, it made you cold and selfish. It took me a while to realize that if you do not allow these moments of "selfishness" from time to time to focus on yourself, you will never be in the right condition to help others. Since I have now set to focus on myself, I've finished 6 books, spent many days outside or with friends and family, as well as accomplish some reflective writing. My most recent piece against government cuts to physiotherapy was recognized at a meeting in Toronto discussing the issue. I have also been able to answer my own questions. My frosh should not think any less of me despite the lack of uniform; if meeting me impacted them as much as meeting them did me, I hope they will carry the memories and experiences we shared fondly. If the opportunity has come to them to take on a leadership role this coming year, or even not, I hope that they take the best and worst of first year and share the lesson learned with a new face. Neither should I be shunned by my fellow Sophs because there are many in the same boat as I who won't have a new uniforms, and only the memories the old ones bear. For my fellow Sophs who do return, I should hope that the friendship formed outlast the year they were forged, because I have an orange treasure box labeled "Occupied" with prof they meant something.

What am I to do without the program I loved so much? Focus on myself, an be wholeheartedly ok with that. I will take my seat on council to help where I can, and make Diego proud. I will not hesitate to put academics and my passion for reading and writing before all else. I will be true to myself…

   

The Dove Dilemma and Media Representations

Many of my friends have been circulating a new video by Dove, encouraging that "everyone is beautiful" and focusing on natural beauty. While I don't deny that the message is a positive one, I I'm generally bothered by the video.

Issue 1: Contradictory company views

Axe is owned by Dove. People may argue, that it is a different branch of the company and shouldn't come into an argument about an entirely different campaign. However, given the history of women objectification on Axe's part it just cannot be avoided. It would be like WeightWatchers buying out McDonalds, and saying: "eat as much as you want, and come to us when you hate yourself" or given up on your diet? Well eat here… you'll come crawling back" I feel as if Dove builds up esteem, and then presents another ideal that we should fit, just as we get comfortable. A point brought up by another blog I read, is that the campaign is is still an ad. Despite attempting to promote natural beauty, the company is still trying to sell you products which cover your natural face with such things as antiaging cream, or promoting the idea of enhancing your beauty with their product. The point is, no matter what message they are truthfully trying to promote, or hide behind, as long as they are making money they don't give a damn what you look like.

Issue 2: Beauty is more than a face

The video shows shots of the person from the neck up, now it could be argued that that means that person could make anybody able-bodied or not. However, I feel that it is time that we focus on the fact that beauty is more than a face beauty is the whole Now, I'm going to get a little personal here and tell you that I was a child and still very much today I feel discouraged by advertisements because able-bodied people are always shown and in very few commercials are disabled people encouraged as strong individuals. It was very hard growing up, because I believed that being in a wheelchair and attached to 300 pounds of metal most of my life, made me an ugly person. Advertisements did not help get that out my head, but they enhanced it. The only commercial I ever saw growing up promoting people with disabilities, did not say we were beautiful it only talked about our capabilities. I realize that many people who supported the video right now might not be part of the minority the commercials effect, but I know that they once were. But some point lives we have all been discouraged due to an advertisement, or media representation. It is so easy to think that we have made some progress, but we still have so far to go…

Television as a whole is also very misleading, because they have shows representing so many different groups, but the truth is that those groups represented in the TV shows are the preferred members of the group. For example, there is a show called Push Girls, that highlights the the lives if 4 models That have become paraplegic in freak accidents. In truth, you would never see a story about a real person facing the struggles, because the whole point of the media is to glamorize what might otherwise be scary. In my opinion, it would be helpful if the media started giving accurate representations, because in today's world it is still very hard for me to feel beautiful… Even with a bright smile, and mostly positive outlook

Karli

Keeping the Memories Alive

16 years ago I lost my Nanny Petula Steen to a brain tumour. She was the most strong and beautiful woman I've ever known. I can remember being so excited to be watched by her when my parents were at school or work. I would crawl around her house, following her as she did house chores, and used the washroom. She never got mad about my following her anywhere, she just smiled, picked me up, and commented on what a silly little girl I was. She would usually read an array of my favourite books when I was over. I can recall one in particular about a boy who had a dog he loved very much, but the dog got old and sick and died. The book was about the boy coping with the death of his beloved pet, realizing that though he missed his friend, he was no longer suffering. And sure enough, as soon as the lesson was learned, the boy found a puppy that looked like his old dog and took him home to love. The last page of the book was a picture of the little boy walking the puppy, and the older dog up in the sky, as if watching over him.

I had no idea that my Nanny would ever face a similar thing as to what the book told (I know it's not the same, but that's how a 5 year old connects the dots), when I found out she was sick I thought the doctors would make her better. I only remember snippets of her sickness, like seeing her wear a wig, and wondering why she had to. She was so brave, and so strong and even though she was sick, my memory can't recall her as being anything else. I remember going to see her in the hospital and giving her a teddy that I had to keep her company until she got well. We named him Burp Brownie-Brown, and I still have him today. Though I only remember snippets of things, and only got 5 years with my Nanny, I feel like I got enough love to last a lifetime.

In the beginning, I remember that it was really hard to explain why I only had one grandma. It was almost like I expected her to pop out of a corner and suddenly be well. As the years passed I went on doing things that I thought would make her proud. As I began to graduate and achieve milestones, I would take private moments to grieve, knowing that when I got my diplomas, I wouldn't get to hug her, or see the look of pride on her face. For this reason, graduating frond Western will be one of the hardest things I ever do.

Over the past two years at Kings University College, I have raised over $800 in money towards the cancer society! I do this because I want to make sure my Nanny's memory stays alive. One day I hope that nobody has to ever face the loss of a grandma or loved one! My grandma was the strongest person I will ever know, and with each relay I run or roll, I hope to keep her memory alive and well!

Karli

2012 In Refection

The most important thing I learned in 2012 was that sometimes before you help others, you have to help yourself. Sometimes, that means doing something that seems right to nobody else but yourself. I met so many people, that taught me so many great things! My all-time favorite experience of 2012 was sophing! From it, opened so many different opportunities and so many life lasting friendships! I never expected that I would meet people from all corners of the world, and for that I feel truly blessed, because it brought a perspective that I think everyone needs in their life! 2012 brought me out of my shell, because I was able to introduce my sometimes self-deprecating sense of humour, though I had shared before, I felt more comfortable to express myself with the people around me. I felt even better when I found my friend Diego who shares the same sense of humor and kind pretty much is the fuel to my fire. 2012 showed me that acceptance and kindness exist even though, sometimes they seem sparse, family doesn't always have to be tied by blood, and that figuring your self out has no deadline. No challenge comes without a lesson and solution.

For 2013, my hope is that I can rise to every challenge met, and follow through with the choices I make. I will try to take every chance that is given to me, even though in some cases it might appear to be very uncomfortable. In fact, one of my goals is to actually attempt a comedy open mic night! Nothing, besides writing gives me more joy than to make others laugh, even if it is at my own expense. I am also very pleased that I will be starting the new year off right, with a cancer relay for life! There is little better in life, then helping others, and I'm glad to be doing so among the friends I met this year! Thank you to everyone who made 2012 memorable, and here's to a happy 2013! :-)

Karli